A Nice Dose of Mommy Guilt

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Okay, so this post is all thanks to a video montage that Google created to remind us of all the lovely moments of my children growing up in the last three years, moving us to tears.  The timing is kind of perfect since my first born turns 3 years old tomorrow, and naturally I’m feeling a bit emotional. Google has accomplished at making us feel extra sentimental, and reminded us that it’s all going by too fast. We didn’t realize how much my daughters have grown in the span of just three years, and we don’t always take a moment to hit the pause button, and reflect.

But the two minute video that summed up three years of raising our girls has successfully omitted all the hard, hard work it took to get here. In those two minutes, we only saw the smiles, giggles and cuddles and it gave us all the warm feels. What we didn’t see were the many tearful, hangry tantrums, refusals to nap, bumps on the head and resistance to bathe. The video is a euphoric summary of our life, and hidden away are all the bad, the difficult and the very, very real.

Want me to be honest? I look back at those moments, and of course I’m happy that most probably my kids will remember just that, all the happy and joyous moments that childhood comes with. But what I remember is all the times I lost my patience, more than once a day, to be honest. I remember many times where I rushed my daughter out of the bath, because I was tired. And the times I made her cry because she made a mess and I had to vacuum, again. Or the times I didn’t listen, or smile, or take a moment to say good job. And the list goes on, filled with regret and more “could haves” and “should haves”. And I think, i’ll try to do better, but I know that I will mess that up again, and again.

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Ridha having a meltdown because she didn’t want to wear her jacket.

I recently read a beautiful post by Mighty Mama Bear titled Tomorrow I Will Be Better- An Open Letter to my Children, and it spoke all about how guilty a mother feels at the end of the day, and it’s so accurate. And it’s so me, at the end of each day.

So instead of dwelling in all of the negative moments that I inevitably repeat over and over, I shall hit the pause button, and allow myself to be happy and proud of what we have accomplished in the last few years. Thank you to the team at Google, you have inspired me to do just that.

We have mastered the skill of sleeping with one ear open.

In the last three years, we have had two amazing, natural births and welcomed our two beautiful daughters into this world, changing our lives forever. We have mastered the art of reading a child based solely on their laugh, smile, cry, whine, yawn, glare, and scream. We have learned the process of making it out the door in one piece, never forgetting a child. We have also dealt patiently with all kinds of disastrous vomit/potty-related accidents, resulting in many sacrificed towels and articles of clothing. We have managed to put two children to sleep in the same room, same bed for a year and half. We have become accustomed to interrupted sleep, early risers, flippant moods and meaningless crying. We have mastered the skill of sleeping with one ear open–parents will understand that one. We’ve witnessed monumental meltdowns over nonsensical demands.

And we have experienced some of the most heart-melting, breathtaking moments with our girls.

I don’t know if I’ll be better tomorrow, and I won’t make any new year’s resolution that I can’t keep. But judging from the preposterous amount of times we have watched and re-watched that 2 minute video montage, know this…we love you like crazy.

 

 

What are you most proud of when you look back? There’s got to be something… Share it below 🙂

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